A reflection on menopause, shame, and finding your voice as you grow older.
Recently, I realized there’s still a lot of inappropriate shame lingering inside me. I’ve always been glad that I look younger than I actually am, but I never really reflected on why—until menopause kicked in. And let’s be honest: menopause is still a taboo topic in most societies.
This article was sparked by a conversation with an old friend—someone who, clearly, isn’t always aware of how his words land. I asked if his partner was still suffering from night sweats, as I had just found relief from heat waves myself and wanted to share what helped me. His response, to my dismay, was: “Maybe you dried out now.” In German it sounded even harsher: “vertrocknet” or “eingetrocknet.” I reacted and told him he was lucky not to be standing next to me when he said that. But it took a few days of reflection to truly understand the impact
His words painted a painful image of a dried-out, old woman—worthless, no longer attractive. At least, that’s how my mind interpreted it. And sadly, that’s not just on him—it’s the narrative western culture has built: the pressure to stay young, the promise of hormone therapy as a workaround, the dependency on pharmaceuticals and cosmetics. Not to mention the very practical realities of being considered “too old” for certain jobs, “too expensive,” while in truth being rich in experience that often goes unappreciated.
I’m grateful I only had to deal with hot flashes. And that was bad enough—having to peel off layers of clothing in a rush and feeling slightly ashamed. But my friend’s comment woke me up to the broader taboo around aging as a woman, and especially about menopause. Honestly, if every time we mention it, we’re met with bad jokes about “drying out,” no wonder no one talks about it.
Seriously: “dried out”!?
That phrase—drying out—evokes the image of a plant that’s no longer vibrant, no longer useful. Maybe that’s why so many older women unconsciously dress in gray and earth tones: to stay under the radar. To remain unseen in a society that treats aging like an illness. The fear of the first gray hair has become a sales engine for entire industries, when instead, it could be greeted as the sign of a wise woman.
Yes, it makes sense to reduce the negative health effects of aging—but the approach matters. You can fast for your health, or you can fast to look younger. You can accept aging with grace and be grounded in your worth—even if the younger generation doesn’t yet see your experience as a treasure. You can wear hoodies not to hide your age but because you simply love the comfort. It’s not what we do, it’s why we do it.
For me, it’s time to admit I fell into the trap western culture laid. Time to age consciously, to still wear my hoodies because they make me feel like me, and to refuse to go gray—in spirit or in thought. I’m still creative, I still do silly things, I still explore. And even if not only older people are wise, I know I carry a wisdom gained through experience that now allows me to use my creativity more thoughtfully.
Age is just a numer!?
It’s time to be okay with being 55 and far from dried out. I may not bleed each month anymore, but that doesn’t define my worth. It feels like we should be past this by now—beyond judging human value by fertility. And yet we’re not. Writing this and sharing it publicly is probably one of the bravest things I’ve done. But we need to be honest: most of us are afraid of aging and of not being our younger selves anymore.
Aging might bring challenges as well—but also gifts. And changing how we think about it could, ironically, slow it down. Lower stress levels for women could improve health outcomes almost instantly.
I’m not saying skincare for every life stage isn’t helpful. But nature offers us what we need too. To me, aging starts in the mind. If you stay curious, if you explore like a child, your mind stays young.
I’m also not saying hormone therapy doesn’t have its place. But I prefer to remain independent of the pharma industry for as long as I can. And I’ve found that it’s possible to navigate (peri-)menopause without taking hormones.
My personal “cure”
My personal “cure” for the hot flashes? First: awareness. Acknowledging what my body was going through, giving myself more space and less pressure. Then I began researching. Dr. Mindy Pelz was a great resource. Even though I hate fasting and have never done a diet in my life—apart from cutting gluten, caffeine, lactose, and most refined sugar for health related issues—I learned about intermittent fasting and insulin spikes. I found out intermittent fasting is easy to integrate in my lifestyle. I learned which herbs help support the body when estrogen declines. In the end, the right dose of red clover made all the difference for me.
Now, I can get dressed without planning for sudden heat surges—and I know I’m lucky, as I only suffered for 2–3 months before finding what worked. But there’s still inner work to do: accepting that I’m no longer 30. Even though I believe the future of medicine will include more spirituality and make aging easierin terms of health, there will always be people chasing youth at all costs
I’m done being ashamed of aging. I want to honor the gifts that life after 50 gives me—the wisdom I can share, the way I feel from the inside out. Feeling alive and vital always finds a way to show on the outside. Whether it’s your aura or the spark in your eyes. And this is true for all genders.
And maybe this is the greatest gift of all:
Going through this phase myself — the discomfort, the shame, the awakening — has deepened my capacity for compassion. Today, I can stand beside other women in this transition not just with empathy, but with a deep, embodied understanding. This lived experience allows me to support them more fully in my energetic coaching work — gently, respectfully, and without pressure to be anything other than who they truly are.
If you’re moving through this transition yourself — feeling overwhelmed, unseen, or simply unsure how to navigate the changes — you don’t have to do it alone.
My energy-based coaching offers a gentle space to reconnect with yourself, release what’s weighing on you, and rediscover your strength and ease. Learn more about my work and how I can support you.